"Of all the people I've ever met, you're certainly one of them." --- Ellis Fuls
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She's 93 today --- and we don't know where the hell she is." --- Ellen DeGeneres
"Keep in mind that Amateur Radio As We Know It Today will cease to exist at midnight tonight." --- Dave Newkirk
Quantum Duck:  "Quark, quark!"
The Magic of Windows:  Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT.
If it's there and you can see it --- it's real
If it's not there and you can see it --- it's virtual
If it's there and you can't see it --- it's transparent
If it's not there and you can't see it --- you erased it!
There's no future in time travel
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties" --- Jules Renard
Look through the Windows and you will see OS/2! Walking and chewing gum at the same time!
There's enough water on earth to drown the human population 87.6 million times
bill@end.of.his.rope.because.school.sucks.so.bad.right.now
"I own so many clocks that I need 1 hour to set them all one hour back for winter time.  Nevertheless it does not cost me any time." 
To paraphrase Mr. Clemens, there are lies, there are damn lies, and then there are Microsoft ads.  
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.  
In the beginning, there was nothing.  God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light.  There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.  
"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?" --- Steve Wright
If you don't have time to do it right today, what makes you think you are going to have time to do it over again tomorrow?  
"Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty." --- Anne Herbert
OS/2 VirusScan:  "Windows found:  remove it? (Y/y)"
Murphy's Law:  anything that can go wrong will... Corollary:  anything that can't go wrong will...
Bill Gates (November 1987): I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time.  As the successor to DOS, which has over 10,000,000 systems in use, it creates incredible opportunities for everyone involved with PCs.
Gordon Miller:  Yep, he is a man that keeps his word.
Jay Davis: He must really hate it when he's right!
Notice:  due to budgetary constraints, the light at end of the tunnel is being turned off.  
OS/2 2.1... anything else is just a DOS.
Just got a new car for my wife... great trade....
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley:  LSD and Unix.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence." --- Jeremy S. Anderson
Warning:  Do not attempt to hang from towel, or insert your head into the towel loop.  Failure to follow these simple instructions can be harmful or injurious.  
1992:  celebrate the quincentenary of Columbus getting lost
"Shhhh... the maestro is decomposing."  (from a Gary Larson comic strip)
One man's Windows are another man's walls.
There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a notification that you are being sued, printed on a daisywheel printer with a brand-new ribbon.  
Arthur Goikhman is president of Soft & GUI, Inc., which develops custom and off-the-shelf OS/2 software
Graduate life:  it's not just a job; it's an indenture.
"...This is very tragic for me since I heard that booting DOS/Win3.1 causes cancer." --- Al Dhir
Your cat only pretends to like you.  It really just wants your money.
I think, I think I am.  Therefore I am!  I think...
Lose all that ugly FAT --- format HPFS today!
"Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes."
"The use of unnecessary violence... has been approved." --- Blues Brothers
Circular Definition:  see Definition, Circular
Some people are so narrow-minded that they could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
Hickory, dickory, dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, the other two escape with minor injuries...
(root beer)^2 = beer
90.8% of all statistics are made up.
Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department
"To crash OS/2, you have to stay up night and day to build a terminator disk.  Windows comes with that built-in." --- IBM's James Cannavino on Microsoft's <I>Terminator</I> program which tries to crash OS/2
Teachers are supposed to teach you how to learn, not what to learn.
Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?
It is said that President Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while being screwed.
"We must be devious, cunning, inventive... too bad we're us."   --- Raw Toonage
Vegetarians eat vegetables... beware of humanitarians!
My lawyer can beat up your lawyer.
"If I had only one hour to live, I'd spend it here because this class lasts forever."
"The last run of Twinkies was 1978; if you want 'em fresh, wait 'til 1996."
Windws is fne fo bckgroud comuncatins
Proud member of P.E.T.A. --- People for Eating Tasty Animals
"The new facility will have educational and subsistence abuse programs." --- <I>KTRH</I> Radio, reporting on a new prison
"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."    --- Winston Churchill
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot.  C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." --- Bjarne Stroustrup, creator of C++
"I am Botan, god of rice candy."
Copywight 1993, Elmer Fudd.  All wights wesewved.
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." --- Rita Rudner
I'll never forget the first time I used Windows (but I'm trying).
A hole in the head doesn't always indicate an open mind
I wish to be obscene and not heard
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
Puns are bad, but poetry is verse
Xerox never comes up with anything original
"The man the dog the girl the boy met owned bit sued." --- anonymous
I am, therefore you aren't.
Oxymoron #10:  Microsoft Works
As CSO, our middle name was "service."  Now, as CCSO, it's next to last.
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana." --- Groucho Marx
Nuke the Smurfs --- nuke 'em till they glow.  Then shoot 'em in the dark.
"Diplomacy is the art of saying `nice doggy' until you can find a rock." --- Justyna Horwat
"Radiation biophysicists do it, then glow." --- Melissa Woo
"At Exabyte, we make some DATs.  And some of DOSE.  And some o' DEM over DERE." --- Scott A. Moore
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro.  (I came, I saw, I stuck around)
When asked about her first night of marriage, Bill Gates's new wife replied, "Two words:  `micro' and `soft.' "
The release of the "new, improved, idiot-proof" version is followed immediately by the arrival of new, improved idiots.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
How do you tell mice from rats?  Rats have more dark meat.
"MS-DOS didn't get as bad as it is overnight --- it took over ten years of careful development." --- D. Meggins
What do you mean you've "re-formatted" the cat?!?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
I have a firm grip on reality.  Now I can strangle it.
Seen on gas station sign:  "eat here, get gas."
"These are not the opinions of CCSO.  I am the mouthpiece of Satan."
On a clear day, you can C forever.
If it weren't for C, we would be programming in BASI, PASAL, and OBAL.
Sex is not the Answer.  Sex is the Question.  "Yes" is the Answer.
Paranoid:  someone who just figured out what's going on
Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Why doesn't DOS ever say "Excellent command or file name"?
He does the work of three men:  Moe, Larry, and Curly
Windows was written by the people who brought us EDLIN.
Politics:  poli- means "many," -tics means "blood suckers"
C program run.  Run program run.  Just once.  Please???
"Russia:  a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma" --- Winston Churchill
"Does the name `Pavlov' ring a bell?"  --- William Gibson
"If I told you you have a beautiful body, you wouldn't hold it against me, would you?" --- David Fisher
The sum intelligence on the planet is constant; the population is growing...
"The goal for OS/2 is to be the universal operating system... there is virtually no application in the world that OS/2 cannot support." --- Bill Gates ("IBM Personal System Developer," Winter 1990)
"Most users of high-end applications... want OS/2." --- Bill Gates ("IBM Personal System Developer," Winter 1990)
OS/2 Notebook: Does the announcement [of the OS/2 joint development agreement between IBM and Microsoft] mean that Microsoft is curtailing any plans for future development of Windows?  Gates: Microsoft has not changed any of its plans for Windows.  It is obvious that we will not include things like threads and preemptive multitasking in Windows.  By the time we added that, you would have OS/2. --- <I>OS/2 Notebook</I>, Microsoft Press
"I hope I pass away quietly in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in horror like his passengers." --- Lee Marzke
"I love the 'whooshing' sound deadlines make as they go by...." --- Douglas Adams
"Don't marry a person you can live with; marry someone you can't live without."
A man is not complete until he is married... then he is finished.
Carpe pescum:  seize the fish!
"Since this (16-bit) API is undocumented, you won't find any official documentation on it, but I believe there is a document floating around here somewhere on it." --- Q
Meadow Gold(TM) Orange Juice:  "Not a significant source of calories from fat, saturated fat, ... , and iron."
"OS/2:  Because I wasn't warped enough before." --- Dana Lacoste
"It seems your two brain cells once again have failed to connect. Perhaps you've been using Windows too much." --- Paul Floyd
OS/2 gives "Windows for Dummies" truly a new meaning.
OS/2 Warp -- If you ain't got it, you just don't get it.
Ask not what your Congressman has done for you; ask what your Congressman has done to you....
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